What you need to know about helping your little one
Spending time away from your dear toddler can be tough. But what is more difficult is the part where you need to say ‘Goodbye’ to your child. The cries, the sobs, the pleas, everything adds up to a challenge that puts you in the spot.
Worry not! Here is a detailed guide for you to deal with Separation Anxiety in Toddlers.
At what age does separation anxiety start?
Separation anxiety can start anytime between the age of 4 to 5 months, but it seeps in with full force when kids turn 8 to 9 months old. It is the time when they are discovering independence in their thoughts and actions. When they become aware of the uncertainty of being away from their parents, this anxiety kicks in. This leaves them frustrated, sad, and angry.
How long does toddler separation anxiety last?
The duration of separation anxiety varies differently for each kid. For some, it regresses when the child turns three. However, in most cases, the separation anxiety in toddlers starts to fade when they get into elementary school.
How do I know if my toddler has separation anxiety?
Here are some of the symptoms of separation anxiety, which will help you understand your child in a better way.
- Crying- Your toddler begins to cry as soon as they feel you are going away from them. This can happen even if you are going from one room to another, or leaving them at the playschool.
- Tantrums- You may observe that your child performs activities to gain attention and throws tantrums around so that you do not leave them. For example, separation anxiety in toddlers age 1 can be seen when you try to put them on the ground, when they still want to be held in your arms.
- Nightmares- One of the symptoms of separation anxiety is when your child may have nightmares about you going away from them. They may start to cry in sleep or as soon as they wake up.
- Clinging- Your toddler may become clingy when you try to leave them. They will use every bit of strength they have to hold you tight so that they can stop you from leaving.
- Refusing to Sleep- You may also notice that sometimes your toddler is refusing to go to sleep unless you or their caretaker is near them. This is because they feel that as soon as they would sleep, you would go away from them.
- Complaints- Classic complaints such as stomach aches, feverish behavior, and other physical issues crop up as soon as you show that you are going away from your toddler. Toddlers often use these excuses in order to get your attention, get pampered by you, and ultimately stop you from leaving them.
How to deal with separation anxiety in toddlers?
Dealing with separation anxiety in toddlers is not a piece of cake. At times you feel guilty for leaving your child sad and crying. At other times, your toddler gets all over the place and it becomes a difficult task to make them understand that you are going away from them only for a brief period of time. Either way, your worry about ways to deal with separation anxiety in baby is totally understandable.
Here are some tips that would help you deal with separation anxiety in toddlers.
- Quick goodbyes are a savior
Get into the habit of making your goodbyes quick, positive, and happy. This will make the processing time short for your dear baby. Moreover, seeing you say goodbye with a warm hug and a smiling face will make your toddler perceive this as a happy moment. You can also engage your toddler in skill-building creative activities that they can enjoy in your absence. To get a list of Creative Activities to Boost Your Toddler's Cognitive Development at Home - Consistency is the key
Another good tip to deal with a toddler’s separation anxiety from mom is to keep goodbye rituals as consistent as possible. This will help your child register in memory that at this time, say after my lunch, mommy will go out for some time. Another scenario can be that after a bath, your toddler knows that I will get ready and go to playschool. This would help you in dealing with separation anxiety in toddlers when they go to school. - Give your complete attention
Before bidding goodbye to your sweet child, always give them your complete attention. This will make them feel secure and they will align with what you tell them. When you will give complete attention to your child, they will stay more calm and you will be able to explain to them that you are going for a while and will come back at a certain time. - Stick to all your promises
Children remember everything you say to them. If you tell them that you will play with them after their lunch, and you end up leaving them, they may begin to show symptoms of separation anxiety. Therefore, it is better to stick to your words and not dishearten your child with false promises. - Talk to them with references they understand
At times we tell our children sentences like, “It is time to go to your Toddler Program now! I will come to pick you up after some time.” Naturally, your toddler will be left with uncertainty regarding the time they will see you again. So it is a great tip to talk to them in language that they comprehend. For example, you may say, “Yay! It is time to go for your Toddler Program! I will meet you after your meal-time!” This way your toddler would comprehend better and would look forward to meeting you at the decided time. - Get them in the habit of being apart from you
To ease the separation anxiety in your toddler, get them familiar with new people and environments. You can encourage them to go to the park with their grandparents or play with their aunts and uncles who equally pamper them with all their wishes. This way your toddler would warm up to new surroundings and stay relaxed when you leave them with familiar faces. - Make plans with them
One of the ways to get your toddlers excited for the day, even when you are leaving them for a while, is to make plans with them. For example, you can ask your child what would they like to do after you come back from the market. This way your child will be more focused on the shared plans they made with you. Just remember the plan and execute it with the same excitement as your child to win their trust for future plans. - Introduce them to a comfort object
Does your child have a favorite soft toy or a blanket that they love to carry everywhere? If the answer is yes, then give your child their favorite object when you take leave. This will soothe them. If there is no such toy or object that your child favors a lot, then you can introduce one to them. This will help your child stay positive and they will not focus much on you leaving them. - Listen with compassion when your toddler is afraid
One of the biggest things you can get your toddler is acknowledgment of their feelings. If your toddler is feeling afraid or scared upon the thought of you leaving them, then you must listen to them with compassion. You should avoid dismissing what they are saying by belittling their feelings. Instead, you should show agreement with them and then show concern by hugging them and showering love on them. - Go slow and steady with your toddler’s new caretaker
If there is a new caretaker, then introduce them gradually to your toddler in your presence. This will help your toddler in warming up to the new person at their pace and comfort. Moreover, the caretaker would also get an idea of your toddler’s preferences and nature, and would be prepared accordingly.
Separation anxiety in toddlers is an issue that can be resolved with certain tips and methods. Furthermore, enrolling your toddler in a mother-toddler program such as Mom & I, by the house of Mother’s Pride would aid in easing the anxiety further. It is because this program puts mothers in the front seat where they get to witness their child’s growth and be physically present with their toddlers. Thus, creating a positive and supportive environment of love and development for toddlers.
In Conclusion